Mission:If anything, too modest
After months of inactivity on this blog -- a result of the primacy of other priorities -- my vigor is renewed! I have finally decided what the focus of "the Diary of King Douche" will be! I have found the cosmically-significant function my humble site will serve! Hurrah!
I have been called by our Infinitely Bored, but nonetheless Almighty Overseer to spread unmitigated, unreasonably vitriolic, inexplicably, unrepentently bitter negativity -- unredeemed by any detectable humour -- throughout His world, to no potential or actual end.
Consequently, the content of this sight -- by order of the Holy Voyeur -- will be of absolutely no concievable value to anyone. It will not entertain -- that is a promise. It will not console those of similarly pessimistic disposition; neither will it put the "ultimately insignificantly" vicissitudes of everyday life in perspective for those of sunnier temperments. It will not even provide me, God's own prophet, with cathartic release. Absolutely no one will be in any way better for my blog's existence.
I can only hope -- because even the Divine Forecaster cannot guarantee that His Whims may not, in the next moment, shift like the breeze -- that Yowza will stay this course and retain its abyssmally black character. Further, I entertain the ambition that Yowza will actually impoverish at least one person's life. However, this is an unreasonable hope, since making someone else less happy would -- however negligably -- gratify me. Such a situation would signal and constitute this blog's unqualified failure.
In conclusion, I want to allay any suspicions that this mission statement is an exagerration. Nothing funny -- or even interesting -- will ever be posted on this site. This is not elaborate, comedic irony. At the risk of preventing someone else's disappointment, I warn all readers that none of the current posts -- nor any future posts -- reward or will reward attention.
I leave you with the following edificatory remark:
The fruits of all your efforts will fall on the uncaring face of the Earth, where they will shrivel and decompose.
I have been called by our Infinitely Bored, but nonetheless Almighty Overseer to spread unmitigated, unreasonably vitriolic, inexplicably, unrepentently bitter negativity -- unredeemed by any detectable humour -- throughout His world, to no potential or actual end.
Consequently, the content of this sight -- by order of the Holy Voyeur -- will be of absolutely no concievable value to anyone. It will not entertain -- that is a promise. It will not console those of similarly pessimistic disposition; neither will it put the "ultimately insignificantly" vicissitudes of everyday life in perspective for those of sunnier temperments. It will not even provide me, God's own prophet, with cathartic release. Absolutely no one will be in any way better for my blog's existence.
I can only hope -- because even the Divine Forecaster cannot guarantee that His Whims may not, in the next moment, shift like the breeze -- that Yowza will stay this course and retain its abyssmally black character. Further, I entertain the ambition that Yowza will actually impoverish at least one person's life. However, this is an unreasonable hope, since making someone else less happy would -- however negligably -- gratify me. Such a situation would signal and constitute this blog's unqualified failure.
In conclusion, I want to allay any suspicions that this mission statement is an exagerration. Nothing funny -- or even interesting -- will ever be posted on this site. This is not elaborate, comedic irony. At the risk of preventing someone else's disappointment, I warn all readers that none of the current posts -- nor any future posts -- reward or will reward attention.
I leave you with the following edificatory remark:
The fruits of all your efforts will fall on the uncaring face of the Earth, where they will shrivel and decompose.
posted by fockler at 2:32 PM
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